


Who Needs Underwear?

by hpd_lance



Series: Tales from the crib [2]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Humanstuck, Other, but who cares, its still only 12:11 am here so, more toddlers being little shits, more toddlers!, not actually based on a true story, the timing in the fic is MOSTLY based on the time im typing it irl except ots not bc like, this time, yeah - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-07
Updated: 2016-12-07
Packaged: 2018-09-07 02:11:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 801
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8779057
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hpd_lance/pseuds/hpd_lance
Summary: jane, even at 2, is a master prankstress





	

to: dave<3

12/6/16

11:28 PM  
_dave..._  
11:28 PM  
_i have a problem._

from: dave<3

11:29 PM  
**bruh so do i i still cant get the goddamn eyeliner off dirk and ive tried everything**

to: dave<3

11:29 PM  
_oh my god???_  
11:29 PM  
_okay but i have a SEEEEEEEERIOUS problem!!!_  
11:29 PM  
_jane hid all of jake's underwear as some sort of sick prank and like i am super proud of her pranking prowess but jake got out of the bath three hours ago and he is still sobbing scary hard because we can't find any of his underwear and jane will NOT tell us where she hid it_

from: dave<3

11:34 PM  
**i just spent the last five minutes laughing my fucking ASS off**  
11:34 PM  
**you kinda have to admit thats a genius fucking prank**

to: dave<3

11:36 PM  
_you laugh but jake is sitting on the bathroom floor, wrapped in a towel and crying so hard he barely has any tears left_  
11:36 PM  
_please send help_

from: dave<3

11:38 PM  
**i have my hands full with dirk and roxy i literally cant help you rose left to get some disinfectant for roxys feet and theyre not even tired**  
11:38 PM  
**im sorry bro i love you but ive got my hands full with these guys**  
11:39 PM  
**karkats a kid whisperer maybe ask him?**  
11:39 PM  
**i really do love you dude sorry i cant be more helpful**

to: dave<3

11:42 PM  
_i will try texting karkat_  
11:42 PM  
_thanks anyway. love you too bro_

from: dave<3

11:43 PM  
**no homo lol**

to: dave<3

11:43 PM  
_oh shut the fuck up :B_

to: beep beep meow :3

11:45 PM  
_karkat hey_

from: beep beep meow :3

11:45 PM  
**HEY EGNERD.**  
11:45 PM  
**ARE YOU HAVING ISSUES WITH YOUR TODDLERS TOO? THERE SEEMS TO BE A PATTERN HERE.**

to: beep beep meow :3

11:46 PM  
_yeah, toddler troubles galore over here._  
11:46 PM  
_who else is dealing with the terrible twos today :?_

from: beep beep meow :3

11:47 PM  
**JUST DAVE WITH THE TWOS. YOU WOULDN'T BELIEVE THE AMOUNT OF PEOPLE I'VE GOTTEN TEXTING ME, THOUGH. THAT'S A BUNCH OF OTHER STORIES, THOUGH.**  
11:47 PM  
**WHAT'S UP WITH YOU?**

to: beep beep meow :3

11:49 PM  
_well okay so like three hours ago i put jake in the bath and asked jade to watch jane because dads are working and grandparents are sleeping._  
11:49 PM  
_and anyway apparently while jake was in the bath, jane decided to hide all of jake's underwear and she won't tell us where the fuck she hid them._

from: beep beep meow :3

11:51 PM  
**BRIBE HER.**  
11:51 PM  
**OFFER HER CANDY OR TOYS OR SHINY THINGS IF SHE TELLS YOU WHERE JAKE'S UNDERWEAR WENT.**

to: beep beep meow :3

11:53 PM  
_you really think that will work?_

from: beep beep meow :3

11:54 PM  
**YEAH. IT WORKS WITH KANKRI WHEN I WANT HIM TO DO THINGS.**

to: beep beep meow :3

11:54 PM  
_okay! thanks karkat!_  
11:55 PM  
_love you <3_

from: beep beep meow :3

11:55 PM  
**YEAH YEAH. GAY.**

 

to: beep beep meow :3

12/7/16

12:32 AM  
_well, the good news is we have all of jake's underwear, and he has stopped crying and is now peacefully asleep._

from: beep beep meow :3

12:33 AM  
**AND THE BAD NEWS?**

to: beep beep meow :3

12:35 AM  
_i lost twenty dollars in quarters to jane._

from: beep beep meow :3

12:38 AM  
**OH MY FUCKING GOD?**  
12:38 AM  
**THAT'S FUCKING GOLD. HOW THE FUCK?**

to: beep beep meow :3

12:41 AM  
_i told her i would give her fifty cents if she showed me where she hid jake's underwear_  
12:41 AM  
_and she hid it in a bunch of different places and kept asking for fifty cents when she gave me a pair. ___

from: beep beep meow :3

12:45 AM  
**HAHA HOLY SHIT.**  
12:46 AM  
**I'LL GIVE YOU A 20 NEXT TIME I SEE YOU, BUT ONLY BECAUSE I FEEL BAD FOR YOU FOR GETTING CHEATED OUT OF 20 FUCKING BUCKS IN GODDAMN QUARTERS.**

to: beep beep meow :3

12:48 AM  
_at least her college fund is growing._

from: beep beep meow :3

12:51 AM  
**TRUE.**  
12:51 PM  
**OKAY DUDE, I'M HELLA FUCKING TIRED. I'M GONNA SLEEP.**

to: beep beep meow :3

12:53 AM  
_okay dude!_  
12:53 AM  
_good night! love ya!_

from: beep beep meow :3

12:56 AM  
**< 3**

**Author's Note:**

> this isnt actually based on real life events unless you count my baby sister screaming for 30 minutes straight because i couldnt find her clean underwear because she hid it in a different drawer


End file.
